Moving on, the next ghost who might visit you in the night could be the phantom of not just being here embodied, but specifically being you yourself as you are and have been. This might be the fear of what you think you should be compared to who you assess you've become or not become.
and all the safety in between. So the idea of a safe person in your brain, does it not describe the character that you have landed on? Were there safety points available to rack up these past decades? And you estimate you did not. Ghosts number two, assessment of self suggests that we've done fucked up our whole plan.
our only hope for true safety. And a mind can tell you that there's a way to be, and then there is what we have become. And therefore nothing will fill the gap to lessen our terror in existing as this lesser, unsafe version of self. This is a difficult spirit to banish.
even on the most festive of eves. And so is Ghost 3. The spirit of being here as you, now alongside people who can judge you for all of it. We may believe that others can see issues, I don't know, one through 10 in us, and they're judging us harshly for each of them.
But worse yet, we might believe that people are judging us for issues 11 through 57 that we don't even know about. Can they see me better than I can even see me? This ghost haunts. Well, it's not wrong to have these questions to be visited by these entities regularly.
Jess (02:26.742)
So what do we do when our self fears are based on pretty sound logic? I think instead of fighting each ghost, which would amount to encouraging complete delusion, because again, they are reasonable human fears to have. What if we leaned into these thrice sources of daily and nightly horror, but we looked for the truth.
on the other side of them as long as we were in there digging around.
We'll find out what happens if we did that because here we go. Onto ghost number one of being here as a human. We are the species that will drive itself insane to early death because of our own calculating hardware. And especially if it is left alone on monitored. And that is terrifying.
We have equipment that sort of seeks to destroy us if conditions aren't panning out, if we don't feed the beast of our brain the right way, or if someone else is mean to it. So yeah, being a person itself, having a human mind and all of its capacities is frightening. I think this is a realistic view on being a man, non-gendered.
This is what we're all truly contending with. And doesn't that make you feel, I don't know, maybe not less fearful of existing, but acknowledged for once? Like your brain is recognized for all that it deals with every single day, and it hasn't thrown you off a cliff yet for all of it.
Jess (04:29.042)
And doesn't that also make you give a little credit to your soul thing? There's been lot of obstacles that your brain and your guts have been up against since day one. The very threat of being here and being human. It's a lot. And the very real risk that everything around you has been suggesting.
that your head has been contending with, and yet it still has been reminding you to brush your fucking teeth too? For all of these decades. I mean, that brain, though lovingly obsessed with freaking out about some things, it's actually blocking out like 99 % of the fear that you could have. The existential terror that is quite reasonable.
so that you could keep getting by. I'm not saying this to tell you to be more afraid, but to say, you've been surviving the boiling human soup. We all have. That's impressive. You're impressive. Don't underestimate yourself for feeling fear about being here.
Contextualize how reasonable it is and how brave you have been, how capable that brain is of handling the pressure, and lean in. If you really visualize it and feel into what we're talking about, you'll realize that every naked little ape is chattering their teeth around you, thinking of themselves in a panic state.
and then putting on a smiling face and reporting to the office saying they had a fine weekend. And I think that visual will help you feel better realizing that this is the context that you live in, that we all live in. Okay, the next ghost that will be visited by and need to lean into is again.
Jess (06:51.755)
that terror spirit of being here, but now as you, whoever that has wound up being. So those expectations of yourself that might make you feel unsafe when they go unmet, when you assess that you aren't who you need to be and have an inner reaction that feels like falling off of a cliff, all right, what if we got honest with that well of fear as well?
instead of fighting against all the brain cells that say, you'll never be this person, so you'll never be safe. Or planning how to become closer to that person, or staring deeply into the void between the ideal and the merely real. What if we just went ahead and got clear about it and said, okay, so what?
and emotionally in your senses, imagine a life where you didn't reach your fucking goals. If you didn't become the unicorn that you've imagined consciously or subconsciously, if life didn't fall into place that some part of you has insisted it must, if you didn't,
actualize these fantasies, and accurately, gray-toned-ly reflected on what that would actually mean. Well, would you be unsafe, doomed, at risk of suffering or ceasing to exist forever? Or would you be, you know, really no better or worse off?
than you already have been for this entire lifetime so far. Look, no offense, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and say, thus far, you haven't actualized or ascended into your perfect self. And thus far, yeah, you've probably felt in danger at many times, but not because of who you are, just because those were the cards dealt.
Jess (09:18.657)
though you may have estimated it differently. I'm also saying, even in this state of imperfection, up against real threats and traumas that you didn't have a choice in creating or fighting, you've still fucking made it, haven't you? You have still survived. You have still been safe.
So looking forward, worrying about your potential versus your reality, being judged or found out, being only you yourself as you are. Well, if you never become who you desire to be, you're still no less safe than you always have been. Recognize that each threat that you could really fear
is no larger than it always has been. In fact, they're all much smaller now and looking forward to any time point in the future. That's because you are much bigger and more actualized now than you ever were before. And that was under otherwise similar circumstances of imperfection and chaos and trial.
So since you will only continue to grow to climb up this mountain, you will only continue to become more adept at dealing with life as time and the journey progresses. Even when life leaves you wanting or frightened, even when your estimations of yourself have you feeling incredibly vulnerable, you are still on the right track and you are becoming more capable
of dealing with anything as you go. And that doesn't require you to be some sort of god or superhero. It's only some sort of illusion that one day any of us will reach a final, ultimate, kinged stage of being us, ourself. And it's only an illusion and a fucked up core belief.
Jess (11:47.008)
to think that at that point, which is impossible, you will suddenly be bulletproof and invulnerable against material or emotional events. None of that is real. There is no penultimate you to become, and there also is no danger in not being who you believe you're meant to become. Although,
Of course, this third spooker might really tell you otherwise. But I've got to say, there's no point when a person is suddenly removed from the same game that we've all been playing, that we've all been living. There's no point when someone is suddenly safe. They flutter away from this burning earth and feel above it all. The phrase new level, new devil.
really describes it all. We never stop encountering challenge and fear and obstacle and potential for healing. We just move on from what we succeed at onto the next opportunity for challenge and fear, obstacle and healing. And that brings us to ghost number three, the spirit of being here as you.
alongside the people who can judge you for all of it. One might worry, what if other people can see me for my stupid, scared, less than perfect human self? And they realize all the things that I haven't done, all the goals I haven't reached, all the things I feel unsafe about, all the ways I'm not ideal. All right, look.
We could cheerlead this one all night and all day and then for the rest of both of our fucking lives. But all that really needs to be said, though it is so hard to absorb and apply is people only see in you what they want to, what they need to, and what they're capable of recognizing. If they are judging or preying upon you,
Jess (14:13.335)
for the things you fear or the fear you have of yourself or original material that they've come up with, they're only seeing what they know themselves and they aren't wise enough to realize it. So, I mean, are you still super worried about these jagoffs? I don't know. Even more realistically, we have to recognize that people
don't know shit about what is going on with other people. People are fucking terrible at seeing and understanding each other. If we were able to read each other's minds, to see each other's wounds and deepest fears and self-esteem hangups, then relationships wouldn't be so fucking hard, right?
Humans wouldn't be so confusing or scary. We would understand each other better. But people aren't good at reading other people, not the way that we fear they are. And also, sadly, not the way that we often wish they were. So, whatever people judge about you, just remember, it's A, probably completely inaccurate,
And B, that's because it's actually about them. Use that information to feel more safe, if you can, because their shit talking, real or imagined, only provides useful insights about them, the most dangerous people around you. It has nothing to do with you. So.
Let's just say this entity can be set free by reminding ourselves we are all victim to judgment. Everyone is doing it at everyone. But the call originates inside the house. However others judge you doesn't mean shit unless you judge yourself the same way. In which case,
Jess (16:39.773)
it's really gonna be difficult to overcome. So rendering this ghost of human judgment harmless, all you need to do is to get on accepting terms with previous entities one and two. If you get over the fear of being alive as a human and the fear of you being yourself, unactualized,
Suddenly this third threat of human judgment haunting us forever is really just a shared issue that none of us need to point at one another. And when we do, we can rest assured that it has nothing to do with our own spirits. I have to recommend through and through that when you are feeling freaked,
You don't try to convince yourself that everything is fine. Don't try to make it go away. Do not aim for delusion. Instead aim yourself into the fear points with a critical mind. Dive in deeply and find the truth and then find the other side, the other truth that's waiting for you. Yes.
Being here is scary for all of us. Yes, being you and not your ideal self can make you feel like you're doing something wrong. But guess what? You've never been completely right and you've still succeeded and nothing is stopping you from continuing to grow in the direction of your choosing. And yeah.
people can shit on you the whole time as you make your efforts, but that just means they're actually pooping all over them damn selves. So all that we can really hope to do in the face of these ghostly visitors is to support ourselves and to support the people that we can and to try to keep growing towards the light.
Jess (19:01.845)
but not without fear. There is nothing wrong with fear. Only the human ability to let it consume us is problematic. And that is what tends to happen when we attempt to repress it or tell ourselves we shouldn't have any fear. It only grows larger when we look the other way.
and pretend to be perfect and push ourselves to be fearless. So don't do that. No matter what happens next or what spirits visit you in your holiday pajamas, just remember, yeah, there's shit to be afraid about. For sure, some would say now more than ever. But you have already been capable.
of keeping yourself alive and merving along, somehow, all this time, against many threats that people again would say are too large to overcome. And yet, you have. And you found ways to cope through it all. You found things to enjoy and light points that help you to manage your fears and be okay with being alive.
even if it's momentarily. You have gone through so much and you have kept yourself safe. You have done well for you, yourself. So I just have to say, to estimate that you won't be able to be safe or to be comfortable in the future if you don't transform into some predetermined idea,
If you don't ascend and overcome the human condition, if you are not approved by all, it's simply to refuse to witness your whole lifetime so far, to refuse to witness your goddamn self now, and even in your super strong, though probably pretty scared, kiddo form.
Jess (21:26.941)
It's to give power to people who judge you the way that they judge them. And it's to stubbornly believe that you're so much less than you are and truly always have been. Just remember, with a lifelong history of trauma, none of us need to doubt that we have the skills that we require to keep ourselves safe.
to keep ourselves learning and adapting, transforming and growing into our best selves. And you don't have to doubt that we can do it alongside fear in spite of fear, rather than letting fear dominate us. As long as you stay with and authentic to your goddamn self,
so that you can keep compassionately healing and growing for you and your inner kiddo and the people you love and even society as a whole, which really needs it. You can keep going forth. You can keep healing. You can keep ascending towards the person that you genuinely want to be while having an excellent reforming
practicing relationship with you, even in the face of fear of being here, born as you among others. The greatest challenge, if you ignore all of the other challenges that you have already fucking conquered as only you yourself.
And that somehow concludes a motherfucking reuniting with your haunted abandoned self, choose your own self spook venture tour of your innards. We did it for now. I do hope that this has been helpful. I hope that you've been able to spend some time getting to know the insides of you despite the many horrors that can be found there.
Jess (23:53.116)
And I do hope that you're making it a practice to sit with you and stay with you despite the many, many, terrific stops along this tour. So thank you for trekking along. Remember, this journey is only just beginning and you must return to the path as often as you can.
Hail yourself and yourself, alove, and your continued compassionate healing. Cheers, y'all. Thanks for being here, and welcome home.
