If Facades of Conformity feel a bit much, how about Impression Management strategies? Let's talk about common strategies, the risks vs. rewards, and negative return on energetic investments.
summary
This conversation delves into the themes of conformity and impression management, exploring how individuals often sacrifice their true selves to fit societal expectations. It discusses the psychological implications of these behaviors, including increased loneliness and decreased life satisfaction, and highlights various strategies people use to manage their self-image. The conversation emphasizes the risks associated with these strategies and the long-term consequences of suppressing one's true identity.
takeaways
- Impression management is a common behavior in social interactions.
- It can lead to higher loneliness and lower life satisfaction.
- People often feel pressured to conform to societal norms.
- Impression management can be a double-edged sword, creating more problems than it solves.
- Different strategies of impression management include ingratiating, self-promoting, and suppression.
- Supplication can lower self-esteem and self-image.
- Suppression can lead to emotional exhaustion and impaired relationships.
- Authenticity is crucial for genuine connections.
- The effort to manage impressions can be exhausting and counterproductive.
- Creating environments of authenticity can improve overall well-being.
keywords
impression management, conformity, emotional welfare, social support, loneliness, self-image, authenticity, psychological health, social dynamics, coping strategies
This month… the world has caught up with the show. As we… maybe suspected it would.
As discussed last time, we were talking about facades of conformity – or, the ways we ditch our real values to demonstrate that we’re in line with systematized ones to prevent resource loss (at the expense of our own emotional welfare). Having particular state-supported opinions about public figures to maintain one’s job, for instance.
And this month we deepened the conversation by dipping into the behavior of impression management. Perhaps, the lesser form of FOCing, Imp Managing refers to the ways we attempt to control our self-image to present a favorable face, depending on who that face will be observed by.
Here comes the cynicism: Yes, we all do it. And yes, it is required so we are not feral.
But some of us do it more than others. People pleasing with our presented identities to try to grease the wheels of life, especially when that life has been rather rusty and screaming for attention.
And sometimes, in some circumstances, it works.
So.
The problem?
Imp Manning is correlated with higher loneliness, low sense of control, and low life satisfaction.
Now, it’s unclear from the research which comes first. If these factors are the inspiration or the outcome of impression management. From experience, we suggest the answer is “both.” A person isn’t happy with how things are going socially or practically, they attempt to rectify the problems by being “more readily acceptable,” and it results in deepening their problems.
If you’re lonely, pretending to be someone other than yourself won’t create connection. If you’re feeling out of control, putting your success into the hand’s of others appraisals won’t create a stronger sense of agency. If you’re dissatisfied with life, faking it and hoping that one day you end up making it doesn’t increase fulfillment.
So, impression management is generally not a strong resolver of issues.
Because. The other problem?
Research says impression management is risky, difficult, and often returns negative results.
Individuals don’t know if they’re choosing the right strategy for each person they encounter. Then, they don’t know if they’re executing it correctly. And if deception is detected it inspires distrust or negative relationship turns.
In other words, impression management requires a custom presentation for every situation. This is stressful, energy reliant, and challenging. And there’s no guarantee that it will be effective. Massive effort can be poured into trying to control how others see a being, and all the work can make relationships worse.
In short: No one likes a try hard. And all the hard trying can be executed incorrectly.
The OTHER other problem?
If a motherfucker IS successful in managing impressions, guess what they earn?
- Long-term imprisonment sustaining all those efforts and identities, indefinitely, which comes with continual stress. See above points.
- They are rewarded with more or more intensive unmet needs than ever before.
Here’s why.
The theory of social support tells us: people want to help other people, but only if their need is being detected. If they appear “lower” than the person who might issue the help, then they are more likely a cup to be poured into.
Through impression management, though, we usually try to raise ourselves up. To appear better off than we really are. Because we generally believe this makes us more acceptable.
In this way, even if we make ourselves likable through imp-manning, we create conditions in which social support doesn’t come because we’ve presented ourselves as un-needy. As equal or “greater” than our social connections, so they don’t think to offer the support that we need, which has likely inspired the impression management behavior in the first place.
Thus, again, decreasing life satisfaction and increasing loneliness – the opposite of what we set out to do.
Meaning impression management is a counterproductive, tenuous, and self-brutalizing strategy in many cases.
But that’s not the end of the story.
For this reason, some people choose to “go low” with impression management methods, rather than talking themselves up.
There are several forms of impression management, and I bet they sound familiar to you from workplaces and other social systems.
The ones we spoke about this month were:
Ingratiating
Self-promoting
Intimidating
Exemplifying
Supplicating
And Suppression.
A little detail for you:
Ingratiating is complimenting others: or “sucking up.”
Self-promoting is highlighting or exaggerating one’s self-importance.
Intimidating is using force or threat of punishment to get what you want.
Exemplifying is trying to demonstrate worth by going above and beyond.
Supplicating is the strategy of “going low” or presenting weakness to elicit help.
And suppression is hiding one’s real values or emotions.
Which tactic an individual chooses to use? Depends on circumstance. Research says each is more or less viable depending on the power dynamics at play and the likelihood of negative returns, something we uncovered in another paper.
Folks who believe they need help but don’t know how to ask for it? Might supplicate to demonstrate their neediness… or exaggerate what they’re capable of doing, so less is asked of them.
And people who realize that there are punishments for disagreeing with normative or prevailing moors? Might use suppression to juuuust shut the fuck up how they REALLY feel regarding an issue, if, say, they’ve seen their peers get fired for having similar opinions. Or AI is being used to seek out “hate speakers” who dissent from government sanctioned narratives. Things like that.
Speaking to that last point, suppression, got its own series of episodes this month for obvious reasons.
It comes with side effects of increased emotionality and emotional exhaustion, decreased performance on tasks, impaired memory, and increased health risks sparked from the stressed cardiovascular systems and sustained sympathetic activation. It’s transferable and tends to flow from the “higher ups” downward. And it impairs adult-child relationships, as well as children’s social skills.
Just some points to note, in case “following orders” or “playing along with fascistic regimes” seem like the easier roads to wander down.
They’re not. They’re long-term life-deleterious. Even if they save your ass in the short-term.
So, Fuckers.
While we are human beings, and everyone needs to impression-manage to be a part of society and socializing… remember the negative returns on energetic investment if this becomes a large part of life.
And the strong chance of “doing it wrong” which can negatively turn peers and abusive supervisors against you.
Or, take some time to reflect upon the fact that Imp Manning increases loneliness, decreases sense of control, and increases life dissatisfaction. Which may help explain why certain environments have created unpleasant outcomes in your happiness, fulfillment, and sense of connection… after working very hard to try to secure those things.
Facades of Conformity and Impression Management! The “easy ways to get along” generally results in a death spiral of hellish experience, especially over long durations of time.
And that’s why we still suggest having…
No FOCs to Give.
Come learn about alllll the details from this little summary post and hear the academic research that backs it up at patron.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers
And also tap into an episode on suppression - the Spiral of Silence in the United States – a research article about self-censorship taking over American culture with shocking prevalence that got thrown into the mix – while you’re there.
Reminder: workbooks and digital course additions are now streaming there, weekly, as well.
And take solace in knowing: whether you actively participate in the community or not, you never have to FOC off to be a part of this project.
Take care.
Watch your imp manning, determine commonly used tactics, and monitor for how it impacts YOU in reality… including potential negative returns on emotional and energetic investment.
A for Effort? More like F for Faker.
Until that pattern is broken and environments of authenticity are created, from the self-outward.
And til we talk again next month…
Cheers ya’ll.
Thanks for being here.