Feel “opposed to yourself” often or under distress? Have unwanted behaviors? Feel self-repressive?
Ya might want to learn about Inner Family Systems (IFS) Therapy, the approach that considers internal “roles” we hold ourselves to…
and how those roles battle each other, creating “undesired” emotional and behavioral outcomes.
Here’s my podcast/video/workbook collection on it for more information.
Here’s a summary for your learning delight:
IFS Part I – Background and introduction major takeaways
Schwartz worked with children in a psychological treatment center, where he found that their progress didn’t last once they were reintroduced to their family system.
He transitioned into Family Therapy which featured a strong emphasis on scapegoats within families. Members often focused on the problems of one person, rather than paying attention to the broader dysfunction of the unit.
In this way, the child became locked in their “role” in the family. “The trouble maker.”
Meaning, one part of the family system couldn’t change without the rest of the system being affected. To maintain homeostasis, they wouldn’t allow the change to occur.
In this way, the systems we live in externally influence the “roles” we adopt, when dealing with ourselves.
Schwartz then went on to work with eating disordered individuals, who often described containing “parts” with oppositional strategies for living.
The parts interacted, often unkindly, and created dysfunction.
He realized these parts were often mirrors of the “roles” that clients had to play in their broader social systems. The roles had been internalized as instructive parts of the brain, so the individual couldn’t escape from those behaviors, pressures, and wounds.
“Burdens” are the pains carried in our parts. They can be generational (offspring of Holocaust Survivors) or personal/direct (wounds from one gen of over-controlling parents).
Schwartz outlined three categories of “parts.”
Managers / Protectors – attempt to keep the system safe by bullying the other parts into submission.
Exiles – the bullied parts, usually containing pain points that threaten the manager’s strategies. However, when they’re shut down, they only get louder.
Firefighters / Distractors – numb or distract from these escalating pains with maladaptive coping strategies.
Managers attempt to control exiles. Exiles scream in unhealed pain. Managers manage even harder. Distractors step in to dampen the suffering. Creating a vicious cycle.
e.g. Overwork, recognition of pain, distraction / disassociation attempts. On repeat.
Pt II – Working with your parts major takeaways
There are no “bad” parts. They’re all adaptive. They all have a function. They’re all trying to keep you alive and safe, in the ways they learned how.
Many parts don’t feel equipped for the roles they’re assigned. They’re like children thrust into management positions and they aren’t happy or confident. Imposter syndrome reigns.
Bullying parts will not result in positive results, it’ll set the internal system off balance and create greater problems as those parts get more extreme to maintain “safe” homeostasis.
Working with parts through parts doesn’t work. (AKA – healing the brain through tactics of the unhealed brain is ineffective)
To do this work, we need something else.
The “Self” is the fourth component of IFS.
The “Self” isn’t a “part.” It’s a timeless source of consciousness that we all have. It’s used for reaching a condition of calm, clarity, and broad perspectives.
Tapping into the Self is promoted by the IFS therapist, who has to maintain their own Self through the sessions to enable the client to do the same. Otherwise, we have parts (ours) reacting to parts (theirs) in session.
The Self is automatically healing; it innately knows what your system needs and how to converse with your parts. There are no power struggles or fears of danger.
Quieting your parts (getting out of your head) and reconnecting with the Self is the road to recovery.
We “reparent” (yuck) our parts through the Self by understanding what burdens they’re carrying and helping them to form new perspectives.
Oftentimes parts need to be updated with newer information that they’re lacking, as they’re “frozen in time.” Telling them “we’re actually adults, this doesn’t pertain anymore,” helps.
The Self also allows parts to find new roles that they feel equipped to hold. Minor changes can be made to alter their strategies or better apply their skills to life in healthy ways.
With the Self we have these conversations and negotiate between parts to establish a system that’s harmonious, balanced, self-leading, and capable of future development.
Reflection points from both episodes:
Let’s look at your interconnected systems.
Have you ever seen your family as a “system?” What are the roles of each individual?
Do you see crossover from your broader social systems into your family system? How have their experiences outside the house impacted their domestic roles?
Do you see overlap from your family’s structure and accepted roles, to the structures in your own head?
Can you think of people who have “typical manager templates?” Including yourself?
Overworkers, pessimists, deniers, despressors, appearance perfectors, caregivers?
Who are these people? What roles were they put in, in larger social systems, that made them adopt these strategies? How have they influenced your own parts?
Do any of these managers/protectors seem to be reflexive of gender / traditional gender norms? (i.e. “caregivers” as a more female role, “overworkers” as a male approach)
Take a look at all your categories of parts.
Who are the managers?
How do they present? What are your survival strategies? At what times have they been controlling the show? What are the downstream effects? Can you “turn them off”? What happens if you try?
Who are the exiles?
What time periods and memories do they encompass? What do my repressed exiles feel like? What are they hurting about? How do they present when they’re being shut down AND allowed to activate?
Who are the distractors?
What negative coping behaviors could be explained by them? What are they trying to numb out, and how does it fit in with the manager-exile battle that rages on?
Roles and functions of parts
Can you understand how each part has been trying to HELP? Even if the results haven’t been great?
How do the parts interplay? Do you see any vicious cycles of managers shutting down exiles, exiles escalating their complaints, and distractors coming in to save the day?
What versions of you have been put into these positions? Do they feel equipped to do their duties? Or like scared kids, just trying their fucking best?
The Self
Have you made contact with the “Self”?
What were the times in life that you felt the most like you without fear? When did you naturally have broad perspectives, curiosity, optimism, and a natural ability to care for yourself inside/out? Do you remember what that felt like?
Have you ever been able to negotiate with your brain successfully, with lasting results? How did it feel? Why was it successful?
Talking between parts
Can you tap into parts of yourself and allow them to speak, while maintaining the feelings and universe-spanning perspectives of the Self?
What do they reveal to you? What is hurting them? Why are they rigid in their ways? What fears are they operating with?
Do any of your parts feel younger than you are now? Are they missing information that would reframe situations or their historical pain points?
Can you find the burdens carried by each part? Can you offer support, counterperspectives, and understanding?
Are you able to find a good use for your parts? (i.e. the overwork part keeps you fed) Can you negotiate with that part to apply its powers and skills to only certain situations? Can you allow other parts to step up and be heard the rest of the time?
How does it feel when you discover a burden, offer the part compassion, and provide it with a new plan for moving forward that takes the rest of your system(s) into account?
