Piety and Perception:
"For Our Greater Good?"

[ As we engage with Filial Obligation, recover from it, or prepare ourselves for the imminent end of days, it's easy to assume that the stress (Caregiver Burden) we feel is our fault.

Personal weakness of spirit, mind, and body is what has us feeling depressed, physically ill, and even suicidal (We think). 

Of course, "I'm the problem, it's me."  

Surely, if we simply had better morals, more parental appreciation, and sufficiently grateful attitudes about giving up our pleasureful freedoms, this Caregiving Burden wouldn't be perceived so devastatingly. (We think.)

Well, let's see.

First, let me tell you about the ultimate Confucian ideal. The most perspective-protective tool to come from this Filially Pious set of beliefs. 

Then we'll talk about the reality of it. ]

Shifting Perspectives: Filial Morality Revisited
Author(s): Chenyang Li
Source: Philosophy East and West, Published by the University of Hawaii, Apr., 1997

[ In Eastern lands, with severe Filial expectations throughout daily life, it's no surprise that the execution of Elder Care FilOb tasks is the final, forever, test. 

The call to sacrifice is always around the corner, and the anticipated degree of care is both high and necessary to sustain for an unknown duration of time. 

So how do those culturally endowed with this Filial Morality (strong Filial Piety) view the task and motivate themselves to maintain their devotion? At least, ideally?

With the belief that Filial Piety is FOR YOU.

Li tells us: ]

Confucians do not regard the self as a ready-made soul or entity. The self is a process of realizing one's Heaven-endowed potential. All of us were born with the potential to be fully human, but realizing it takes lifelong effort.

We cultivate ourselves through reinforcing and expanding our human-relatedness and our human-relatedness starts with our relationship with our parents. Therefore, becoming a filial son or daughter is a necessary part of the process of achieving humanity.

Confucians believe, then, filial piety is a requirement for our self-realization. 

Since filial piety is a step in our self-realization, being filial is not only for the sake of our parents; it is also for our own sake.

[ Eh? Ehhh? What do you think?

Mixed bag? Immediate outrage? 

Here we’re being told that we can’t fully know or realize ourselves separate from relationship. 

And I think we can agree with that sentiment, on paper. We grow through relationships, without them we don't have shit-reflections of our less-excellent versions of ourselves to assess and tinker with. 

( If you don't agree, I have a year of podcasts contending with the need for relationships for you to listen to, but here's the big picture: )

Psychologically speaking, living in isolated withdrawal doesn’t allow us to access huge pieces of ourselves. It doesn’t challenge us. It doesn’t bring internal tensions to the surface so we can work on mismatching parts of ourselves. It doesn’t give us material to be confronted by. It doesn’t allow the opportunity for projection, realization of our own faults, and rectification. It doesn't give us information to use for growth. Or, grant the potential for relational reparation, which is an experience we all need within ourselves as much as we need to have it with others; self-acceptance and forgiveness. 

Without these obstacles and opportunities contained within relationship with others, psychology says we can’t fully self-realize. And Confucianism agrees.

But, in particular, it posits that we can't self-ascend without engaging in parental relationships that mirror the care we received as children. This is not only to repay the effort that our parents went through in raising us, but also to impart understanding of their parental experience. We cannot truly understand or honor the plights of those caregivers until we're placed in the same position.

Therefore, they say, we must reverse our roles and provide unconditional love to our progenitors. 

Li wraps his argument up, saying: ]

For the Confucians, therefore, filial morality is an essential element for our self-realization and self-transformation in becoming fully human. Becoming fully human is one's ultimate destiny, and therefore the development of one's own morality is in one's highest self-interest. For the Confucians, therefore, filial morality is an essential element for our self-realization and self-transformation in becoming fully human. 

From this perspective, one's filial duty is by no means supererogatory. And it is not merely a duty for the benefit of other people (i.e., one's parents). 

It is, in a deeper sense, a duty one owes to oneself for the sake of oneself.

[ So you see! It's not for them! Caregiving is for us!

Hm.

I'll let you have your own immediate reactions to that ending and meet you in a discussion right yonder. ]

The Controversy and Utility of "Filial Obligation For Your Own Good"

[ I understand if your brain is buzzing right now. If your walls are up or you're feeling agitated. The information put forth is not un-grating on the nerves, especially if you have a history of feeling taken advantage of or coerced.

BUT, I would be remiss not to bring up this point, because there is (perhaps) some psychological functionality to the perspective. 

Let's just break this argument down with a point, counterpoint, to start with.

One perspective: Nice try.

Obviously, this sentiment is more upsetting to some of us than others. It's a relationally-dependent joke. 

But like a snakeoil salesman, in Confucianistic terms we’re being told that WE’RE getting the deal. Anyone else feeling Huckleberried? "If only I could paint that fence! Please tap me in!" 

Yeah, it's difficult to believe that this isn't some sort of reverse psychological trick.

"Let your parents run your life, it's an honor and a gift. Through the dark one realizes the light. You'll be so much better off after the torture." 

I think we can easily make the argument against the more problematic parts of this idea of Filial Piety being "For Us" by saying:

“No, engaging with potentially troubling figures is not a test to make you stronger.
Devoting yourself to dangerous people doesn’t make you a better person.
Understanding why they are they way they are doesn't change who they are. 
Martyring yourself is not the purpose of your life or the answer for self-realization. Those are trauma narratives." 

And point blank, speaking from experience, tossing yourself into the gladiator ring "to be a better person" doesn't always work out. You might better comprehend your parents... through losing more respect for them as the relationship crumbles and your mentality gets sucked down to their normal level of operation. 

Really, whether you're aghast by this sentiment of self-evolution through Filial Piety or not probably depends on exactly how toxic your family is. Note your degree of upset; we'll be coming back to the abusive nature of our clans later. 

But at the same time, there's power in this framework when it comes to perceptions of our circumstances. 

Bringing us to:

Another perspective: It (perceptually) takes back your sense of control and purpose.

Hear me out on this one. 

The thought "I'm doing this for my own good" has a legitimate psychological stronghold. This is because of the perceptual nature of Caregiving Burden. 

If you CHOOSE to be Filially Obligated, and you CHOOSE to engage in order to change yourself… whether that was before you were ever born or last Tuesday when your mom called… then, logically, you are not the victim of the situation. You are in control.

And that changes your perception of every situation. 

Choosing to be here and to face the challenges you have -> empowerment

Feeling hopelessly stuck in a situation you can’t change among people who refuse to -> wishing for the sweet relief of death. 

Believe in any aspect of Filialy Piety on a spiritual plane or not… The idea that “you’re choosing to do this and you’ll most certainly learn from it,” could be a psychological station that helps to balance out the feelings of helplessness and despair when you'd otherwise feel entrapped and defeated. (Something we'll talk about soon.)

And, when we’re talking about a Filial Obligation situation, there are times this mental reframe seems approximately the best you can hope for.

With that in mind...

Maybe, this super heavy and responsibility-filled Filially Pious line of thinking is for our own good, all along? 

...

Or maybe fucking not. ]

The Actual Outcomes of Filial Piety: (Still Depression.)

[ So, perhaps it's useful to have an Easternized view of Filial Obligation based on Filial Piety.

On one hand, it's a strenuous mental and physical load to accept all the Tenants of FilPi that could decide your life experience for you.
On the other hand, at least your caregiving efforts have meaning, the expectations are clear, and your social environment agrees with your actions. Plus, "it's for your own good" in the end.

So, all that being said, the next logical question is...

If everyone is positively affected by the care delivered to their parents, as Confucianism suggests, and since Caregiving Burden is largely defined by perception, wouldn’t it follow that the observers of that cultural belief system would be better off than the rest of us when it comes to Filial Obligation?

Logically, doesn't belief in FilPi mean individuals should have protection against some of the negative caregiving outcomes that we discussed in our first lesson?

To be a dick about it: "Given the gift of developing themselves through caring for their parents, obviously, these Easternized folks dodge the filial ailments that most of us battle. Thank goodness when their parents start declining, it’s their chance to ascend to their highest self through mutual relationship with their beloved gene donors!"

Well let's fucking find out: ]

Relationship between filial obligation and caregiver depression among adult children: A systematic review and meta-analysis.
Pan, Chen, Yang. 2022.

The fixed-effects model of this meta-analysis achieved a significant effect size of β indicating that; the adult children who had a stronger perception of filial obligation were more depressed across cultures.

[ Let me force you to repeat read that last bit.

"...adult children who had a stronger perception of filial obligation were more depressed across cultures." 

Including, that is, Eastern cultures where Filial Piety is a way of life.

Meaning, this study found that a strong sense of Filial Obligation correlates with a strong sense of Burden - Even when Filial Piety is culturally programmed from birth, explicitly stated as a known expectation, and socially supported by the surrounding culture. 

Believing that Filial Obligation is for your own good does not seem to protect against depression. And depression is a strong indicator of psychological burden, as well as various metrics of life disatisfaction, wouldn't you say? 

Therefore, we can anticipate that depression isn't the only negative Caregiving outcome experienced by these strongly Filial followers. Their "correct attitudes of unending gratitude" do not save them from Caregiving stress or resulting outcomes.

But don't take one tiny snippet of reseach findings to be the truth of the matter, Pluri. I have plenty of others. Like this: ]

Filial Piety, Caregiving Appraisal, and Caregiving Burden
Daniel W. L. Lai
Research on Aging 2010; 32; 200.

Family caregiving for the elderly is stressful and negatively affects caregiver’s health outcomes regardless of societal values, that is, filial piety regarding parental care does not completely buffer caregivers from stress and negative physical effects (Kim and Lee 2003). For example, for Korean caregivers in Western cultures, researchers found that Korean caregivers reported a relatively high level of depression and were more likely to rate their health as “poor” than Western caregivers. 

In terms of gender-specific results, research indicates that women who take on the role of caregiver under the influences of filial piety are negatively affected by being more financially dependent and having fewer children available to help them as a result of caregiving-related structural factors, such as family size, lack of pension for elders, and caregivers’ employment status and income (Zhan and Montgomery 2003).

[ I threw in that last part to continue harping on the gender differences that seem to be inherent in Caregiving structures. 'The ladies are always getting fucked,' per the research.

Anyways, let’s contextualize and break these research excerpts down. 

The question was...

Surely, strong Filial Piety correlates with strong Filial Satisfaction and more positive psychological events. The problem underlying all our complaints is that we don't feel devoted enough? (read: are not 'good' enough?)

The brain makes a strong argument but according to studies it doesn't seem to be the case. 

Even amongst the less individualistic cultures, depression is still a side effect of parental responsibility taking. It appears that adhering to and being surrounded by a popular narrative of Filial Piety across a lifetime does not prime you to actually take on the tasks with less struggle or strife. The responsibilities are still felt, and they often have depressive outcomes. 

While Filial Duty may be "for their own ultimate good," it seems that psychological tool doesn't prevent Eastern Confucianism followers from feeling the weight of Caregiving. 

So in this long discussion of the many perspectives on Filial Obligation duties, ironically or perhaps innately fittingly, it’s the perspective that Filial Obligation is taking place to a significant degree, which is linked to depression. 

Even though we may believe that it’s for our own development, we are at Burdensome risk.

But - here's another record scratching moment - maybe that cultural narrative of due care is actually WHY we can become depressed? 

Check out this hypothesis that, again, turns this conversation inside out:  ]

Pious Pressure as a Catalyst to Depression

[ So it's easy to assume that having a significant sense of duty and devotion to parents would correlate to less Caregiver Burden. If only we were more psycho-emotionally strong and grateful, these caregiving tensions wouldn't exist. 

Right?

As we ruthlessly judge ourselves, it tracks. But that's not what the research seems to be stating.

Let's go back to these Fuckers and find out what their meta-review revealed about the relationship between Piety, Perception of Performance, and Depression.

Maybe having high standards and moral beliefs for Filial Care isn't a protective factor, afterall.

And rather, is strong Filiality psychologically risky? ]

Relationship between filial obligation and caregiver depression among adult children: A systematic review and meta-analysis.
Pan, Chen, Yang. 2022.

This over-internalisation of filial obligation could be extremely stressful for adult children when overlapping with other competing role responsibilities. Consequently, physical and mental exhaustions often occur with negative emotions such as guilt or worry regarding not serving their parents well, which made them more susceptible to depression (Kalmijn & Suitor, 2020).

First, adult children's inherent gratitude or debt to parents may adversely influence the relationship under study. Second, caregiver's appraisal of the nature of filial obligation may influence the relationship of interest (Wang et al., 2020). Conflicts between cultural expectations and actual filial performance are often present.

Fixed-effects model indicated that a stronger perception of filial obligation was associated with increased depressive symptoms among caregivers across cultures.

[ What do you know.

In fact, it could be these high Filial self-expectations about rockstarring caregiving duties that catalyze or at least correlate-with heightened depression. 

In all of this discussion of lofty Eastern views that we can easily chide ourselves for not possessing, it turns out that those moralistic views, themselves, might be the factors that overwhelm the brain and how do you say… suck the soul out of the child, leaving them a cognitively crushed, semi-animated corpse, with all the perceived responsibility in the world. 

(^ my words, not based in research)

Though it's oh so easy to neg ourselves as "the problem here," when Filial Obligation is crushing us, our attitudes towards our parents and our autonomy may not be the issue, afterall. Failure to be incredibly devoted, grateful, and willfully sacrificial does not seem to be the risk factor that correlates to worse FilOb outcomes. 

So... what components ARE muddying the psychological waters and spiralling into physical reality disasters?

They might be interpersonal factors that you normally keep safely subconsciously suppressed. 

I'll meet you in the next lesson as this conversation starts digging deep. ]